Saturday, February 17, 2018

Dream-Like Marriage

Is your marriage a dream…
Or a nightmare?
Often times we shape what our marriage will be through how we view past events. Sometimes we get bogged down by negative sentiment over-ride. All of our memories become negative and heavy. It’s hard to see the light when the dark is so overpowering.
If this is happening in your marriage I challenge you to do this:
  1. Write down why you fell in love with your spouse. Make it detailed. Not “because he was funny”, but tell the story of how he initiated a bubble gum blowing contest with his niece and nephew and you in the car to keep them from boredom on a long car trip, or whatever your story may be.
  2. Write down at least five positive things about your spouse. Everything good he/she does right now.
  3. Pray for your spouse, not that they will change, but that they will be blessed and that you will see them as God sees them.
  4. Share these good memories and things with your spouse.
Fighting negative sentiment over-ride will take a lot of positivity and you have to start somewhere. Why not here? Dr. Gottman says, “The key to reinvigorating fondness and admiration is to get in the habit of scanning for qualities and actions that you can appreciate. And then, let your partner know what you’ve observed and a grateful for… Catch your partner doing some little thing right and then offer a genuine appreciation like “I love the way you _________”.” (Gottman, 2015).
We can learn a lot from Adam and Eve on this topic. According to Dr. Goddard, "Adam and Eve had every reason to be gloomy about life in this world. They had lived in serene and peaceful abundance. Then they were evicted and sent to the slums. [But this] was a step toward eternal accomplishment... Through our labors and struggles, we will... know good from evil... We can learn to choose and cherish the good" (Goddard, 2009).

Bill and I had the opportunity this week to talk about our own first memories. The beginning of our marriage, our first year of marriage, our dating and courting period (which as you may recall was only 2 months long, first date to wedding date). It was lovely to reminisce together about times past and hear each others different perspectives. Hopefully you too will take the time to bring a bit of Heaven into your marriage.

Goddard, H. (2009). “Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage: Eternal Doctrines that Change Relationships”. Joymap Publishing. 3933 W. 9850 N Ceder Hills, Utah, USA.

Gottman, J., and Silver, N. (1995, 2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert. Harmony Books Penguin Random House Company, New York.

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