Saturday, December 3, 2016

Gracefully Growing in Marriage

This was the 60th reunion of my Grandma and Grandpa 4 years ago. In this picture Rosena is just a bun in the oven and Jedi is watching from Heaven. Also missing are Crystal's husband, Darren and my other nephew Dallas.

Years ago I read "Tuesday's with Morrie" a story about a man who spend some quality time with an older gentleman. One of their topics is marriage and here is something I loved from that:

Morrie says, If you don't respect the other person [in marriage] you're gonna have a lot of trouble. If you don't know how to compromise, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. If you can't talk openly about what does on between you, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. And if you don't have a common set of values in life, you're gonna have a lot of trouble. Your values must be alike. And the vest on of those values? Your belief in the importance of your marriage" (Albom, 1997, 149, italics in original).

In a recent blog post I shared a summary of key processes that underlie successful marriage, you can review here. As human beings, the attachment theory believes, that we are hardwired with a driving force to seek contact and connect with others (p. 89). As older people progress through life they have made these connections. Because of their potential for loss and unresolved conflict they may be more "vulnerable to isolation, distance, and long-standing wounds in their marital relationships" (p. 89). BUT, older coupes who have safe and secure marital relationships will adapt better to the challenges of later life and will learn to thrive through old age.

These healthfully attached relationships are able to endure the trials of loss, aging bodies, loss of energy, and other ails than those who may be alone or in unhealthy marriages.

Here are some things I love about my Grandparents:

  • They are still living life, they join us for Canada Day Parades, sometimes they are even on the floats, and they have an awesome BBQ in their backyard every year.
  • They love to visit with us and share fun stories. Grandma often makes up stories about ducks that have morals and Grandpa tells stories of his own experiences in life.
  • They try to make it to every baptism and baby blessing of each of my children (they used to have to travel to Arizona and Nevada but now we live close enough that the drives are shorter).
  • They love each other, support each other, and even smooch for the camera!
  • They love their kids and grand kids and try to support them in ways that they can.
  • They are funny.
  • They ask for help when they need it.

Grandma and Grandpa, thanks for being such good examples in my life and in your children's, grand children's, and great grand children's. Love you so much!

Edited: 12/10/2016 - Ideas and quotes were enhanced by the text book Successful Marriages and Families: Proclamation Principles and Research Perspectives. Edited by Alan J. Hawkins, David C. Dollahite, and Thomas W. Draper. I really recommend that everyone purchase and READ this book. It's so great.

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